• THE UPPER FOREST •

AYYYYYYYYYYYYY

2008-04-05T23:34:00.001-04:00

I LIKE POO POO!

MY GIRLFRIEND LOVES BELLE & SEBASTIAN

2007-03-20T18:20:00.000-04:00

Quote: "Belle & Sebastian are the biggest pussies of indie rock, hands down. They would be cutters, but they're too scared. I've only heard 1 song, but that was plenty. It was PAINFUL! I almost changed the station temporarily. I want to look up people on myspace that have them listed as favorites, so we can mock them."

PRAISE J3SUS!

2007-03-19T18:30:00.000-04:00

For all of you God-fearing Christians who just feel like Satan is working his dirty business while you're using Windows or Mac OSX, Ubuntu has just the thing for you! Available for free download is their new open-source Christian operating system!

Apparently, this is much-needed relief for a terrified group of right-wing Christians who have had evangelical problems with current mainstream operating systems. Most of you probably already know the hilariously immature (or: hardcore Christian) accusations of Bill Gates and Microsoft being Satanic. Examples being:

Bill Gates and Microsoft: Proof that Bill Gates is the devil: The real name of Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays, he is known as Bill Gates (III), where III means order of the third (3rd). In converting the letters of his current name to ASCII- VALUES:

B - 66
I - 73
L - 76
L - 76
G - 71
A - 65
T - 84
E - 69
S - 83
I - 1
I - 1
I - 1
-------
666
-------
THE NUMBER OF THE DEVIL....

or another classic:

FOR THOSE FELLOWS WHO STILL HAVE THE OLD EXCEL '95 (NOT OFFICE '97) TRY THIS OUT:

1. Open a new file;
2. Scroll down until you see row 95;
3. Click on the Row 95 button, this will highlight the whole row;
4. Press tab to move to the second column;
5. Now, move your mouse and click on help THEN about microsoft excel;
6. press ctrl-alt-shift and click on the tech support button simultaneously;
7. A WINDOW WILL APPEAR WITH TITLE : THE HALL OF TORTURED SOULS... This is eerie ... it has doom style format and you can walk around the hall ... and on the sides of the walls are the names of the tortured souls...
8. NOW WALK UP THE STAIRS AND COME BACK DOWN, FACE THE BLANK WALL AND THEN TYPE EXCELKFA... this will open the blank wall to reveal another secret passage, walk through the passage and do not fall off... when you get to the end you will see something really eerie.. At this point in time, countless witnesses all over the world have verified this point... it's really an eye-opener. It could be a joke by MS Programmers or is it really? Wouldn't be surprised if Bill Gates is "The AntiChrist." After all, it was already foretold in the Bible that someone powerful would rise up and lead the world to destruction.

But I just came across this gem today, which made me almost fall out of my chair while laughing. Taken from the "Evolutionism Propoganda" section of Objective Ministries:

Take for example Apple Computers, makers of the popular Macintosh line of computers. The real operating system hiding under the newest version of the Macintosh operating system (MacOS X) is called... Darwin! That's right, new Macs are based on Darwinism! While they currently don't advertise this fact to consumers, it is well known among the computer elite, who are mostly Atheists and Pagans. Furthermore, the Darwin OS is released under an "Open Source" license, which is just another name for Communism. They try to hide all of this under a facade of shiny, "lickable" buttons, but the truth has finally come out: Apple Computers promote Godless Darwinism and Communism.

But is this really such a shock? Lets look for a moment at Apple Computers. Founded by long haired hippies, this company has consistently supported 60's counter-cultural "values". But there are even darker undertones to this company than most are aware of. Consider the name of the company and its logo: an apple with a bite taken out of it. This is clearly a reference to the Fall, when Adam and Eve were tempted with an apple by the serpent. It is now Apple Computers offering us temptation, thereby aligning themselves with the forces of darkness.

This company is well known for its cult-like following. It isn't much of a stretch to say that it is a cult. Consider co-founder and leader Steve Jobs' constant exhortation through advertising (i.e. mind control) that its followers should "think different". We have to ask ourselves: "think different than whom or what?" The disturbing answer is that they want us to think different than our Christian upbringing, to reject all the values that we have been taught and to heed not the message of the Lord Jesus Christ!

Given the now obvious anti-Christian and cultish nature of Apple Computers, is it any wonder that they have decided to base their newest operating system on Darwinism? This just reaffirms the position that Darwinism is an inherently anti-Christian philosophy spread through propaganda and subliminal trickery, not a science as its brainwashed followers would have us believe.

In other news, Mac keyboard buttons are lickable???!
Mine tastes like snozberries.

GIRL PARTS MOUSE PAD

2007-02-13T13:56:00.000-05:00

3rd base for us computer dorks.
////linked from gizmodo.com

MUSIC SURVEY

2006-12-04T16:19:00.000-05:00

i hate doing these things on MySpace, bc i really don't care about 95% of my friends list. the people i'd only want to see my answers are the people who come here. so, here we go...
---------------------------------------------------------

1. What was your favorite concert?
tough.. Modest Mouse/The Shins/Califone, Fall '98. Pearl Jam, Nashville '03. Radiohead, Atlanta '03. Sigur Ros puts on an incredible show too. Dismemberment Plan, because they rule. too many to remember, really.
2. What was the first concert you went to?
New Kids On The Block, in 4th grade
3. What was the longest concert you went to?
i guess one of those festivals. but an actual show? i guess pearl jam, around 2.5 hours.
4. Did you meet anybody amazing at a concert?
some good friends
5. Did you meet any of the bands?
yes. Isaac Brock from Modest Mouse. pissed and laughed in a public basin with Mark Arm and Matt Lukin from Mudhoney. several others, but those were the most memorable.
6. Have you been to 10+ concerts?
yes
7. Did you see a band you hated?
Widespread Panic (walked out after two songs). Dave Matthews Band.
8. What is the closest you stood for a concert?
on the stage having to hold Matt Lukin's amp on my thighs at a Mudhoney show in Memphis (the stage was extremely small, and the amp was falling). Or about 3 feet from Conor Oberst's face at a Bright Eyes' show in Memphis (about 15 people were at the show, at some crappy lounge). we almost kissed.
9. What is the furthest you stood for a concert?
as far away as i could at a 311 show. lawn seats at others
10. Did you ever mosh at a concert?
yes, unwillingly though. (brian, if you're reading this.... remember Gordon at the Mudhoney show? HA!)
11. Ever crowd surf?
yes
12. Do you think preps should attend concerts?
apparently some emo high school kid wrote this
13. Have you seen your favorite band live?
about 20 times
14. Have you ever lost something at a concert?
my hearing (thanks mogwai)
15. Did you ever get a pick or a drumstick at a concert?
nope
16. What do you do while waiting for the band to play?
drink beer, talk to friends
17. How hyper are you at concerts (1-10; 10 being craziest)?
depends on who's playing. i'm usually pretty subdued though, unless i'm wasted
18. Have you ever lost your voice at a concert?
yes
19. What is your next concert?
next planned one is Explosions In The Sky in February. i'm sure something before that will happen

LETTERMAN TOP 10 GEORGE W BUSH MOMENTS

2006-11-22T12:00:00.000-05:00

NEW FAVORITE BAND

2006-10-16T12:40:00.000-04:00

I particularly enjoy the electrical-taped microphone to the PVC pipe, and the Pikachu t-shirt. All other bands take heed, this is the real thing.
Click here to view more kick-ass videos that will melt your face and computer.

CRAPPY COSTUME

2006-10-14T23:22:00.000-04:00

I just found my Halloween costume for this year.

SOMEONE PLEASE DO IT

2006-10-03T17:45:00.000-04:00

LET'S ROLL

2006-09-30T23:42:00.000-04:00

LITTLE SUPERSTAR

2006-09-25T16:05:00.000-04:00

I CAN'T SEE SHIT!

2006-09-21T17:29:00.000-04:00

HA HA.

THE YOGI BERRA OF OUR ERA

2006-09-01T12:41:00.000-04:00

THE ADVERTISING AMERICAN WAY

2006-08-10T18:54:00.000-04:00

HEY LOOK, WE CAN'T SELL OUR OVERPRICED CRAP ON QUALITY ASSURANCE OR SHOPPING MORALISM, SO WE'LL RESORT TO THE AGE-OLD CHEAP ADVERTISING COP-OUT!!!! AND WE'LL ALSO MAKE YOU WONDER, "AM I ATTRACTED TO CHILDREN?"

YUMMY IN THE TUMMY

2006-08-09T10:20:00.000-04:00

Grilled cheeses are simply amazing. I prefer mine dipped in ketchup, which I guess means I'm Canadian. I don't have any problems with that.

(from Wiki)
A grilled cheese sandwich is a relatively simple sandwich, generally consisting of two pieces of sliced bread and at least one slice of cheese in between. Some methods call for buttering the outside of the bread first, while others melt the butter in the pan.

Traditionally, cheddar is used, although in the USA a processed cheese known as American cheese is also quite popular. In the Netherlands Gouda cheese is used most often and ham is added to it. Other kinds of cheese can be used, such as Swiss cheese, but these are mostly regional variants.

Meat or pickles and/or mustard added to the grilled cheese are other variations. It is also not unheard of for fresh sliced tomato to be added. There are also some who prefer a triple-decker grilled cheese sandwich, where the middle slice is put in a toaster before adding cheese and two other slices of bread, and cooking it like a normal grilled cheese sandwich.

In Britain, Ireland and Australia a similar dish is often referred to as "cheese on toast", "toasted cheese", Welsh rabbit or "roasted cheese", and is normally made with one slice of bread or toast (an open sandwich), topped with cheddar, and broiled (grilled) until the cheese has melted. (In South Africa "toasted cheese" refers to a toasted cheese sandwich while "cheese on toast" refers to unmelted cheese on a slice of toast.) Some people like to sprinkle condiments over the cheese; the possibilities are limited only by the imagination, but especially popular variations include Worcestershire sauce, powdered oregano, powdered paprika, or cayenne pepper.

It is often enjoyed as a side-dish to tomato soup, sometimes dunked. Others (mostly Canadian) prefer to dip their grilled cheese sandwiches into ketchup or apple sauce.

Also, there is some debate over what is the correct way to slice this type of sandwich. Some prefer horizontally along the middle, as with traditional sandwiches. Others prefer diagonally, from corner to corner, to make it easier to dip.

CRAZY FROG BROTHERS

2006-08-04T12:00:00.000-04:00

PLEASE TAKE THE SUNSHINE AWAY

2006-08-01T12:39:00.000-04:00

100 degrees in New York today, without the heat index. 101 tomorrow. This is making the South feel like San Diego. Not only is it unbearably hot, but to go anywhere (including work), you have to saturate yourself in it. Sure, the south is hot. But only as hot as you want it to be. As far "behind" people in the Northeast say the south is from the rest of the country, there is one thing that all these fancy Ivy League pretty boys have not discovered. CENTRAL AIR. Which the south lives in.

Back home, you are constantly in the air conditioning. Inside your house or apartment. You leave, you get in your air conditioned car. You go into an air conditioned store. I've seen golf carts with air conditioning. Sure, the heat can get hot, but it's only as hot as you want it to be. Because you know at any moment, you can jump into some nice 70 degree air and cool off.

Not here.

The only place you will find decent central air is in a store, like Bloomingdales. And i've walked into the women's department plenty of times when getting off the train at 59th just to cool off. But the thing is, nowhere else has central air, unless you go shopping. No apartment buildings have central air, unless it's a new building, AND you're purchasing your one-bedroom $1mil space. Otherwise, you're stuck with a window unit, and fans. When you're in your apartment, you're used to it, and you can be comfortable (if you shed all clothing). But once you go outside, you're fucked. Sure, the thermometer reads 100 degrees, but that isn't close to an accurate portrayal of the heat. You have to add in the other factors. First, New York is one huge concrete block. Every sidewalk, street, and building emits all the heat outward off the concrete, like a giant oven. Kind of like those reflective silver things people put under their face when sunbathing. Second, there are all the cars, trucks, 18-wheelers and buses. Each one spitting out heat and exhaust. If you walk near a bus or truck, you'll feel about a 20 degree difference (and hold your breath, diesel exhaust isn't too healthy i'd imagine). Third, all the buildings dump their heat out onto the sidewalks where everyone walks. Most of this heat comes from A/C exhaust ducts. Or exhaust fans from restaurant kitchens and ovens. That's more heat. Fourth and finally, there is all the heat rising out of the subway grills in all the sidewalks. So when you walk over or by one of these, you have heat coming up onto you, building blowing hot air or emitting heat from the side. A bus blowing exhaust from the other side, and the sun blazing down from above. It's like a spray-on tan with heat! And the best part? Wearing jeans to work bc of their 'no shorts' policy.

So, enjoy your air conditioned lives, all my non-NYC friends.
As for me, I'll be changing my underwear 3 times a day.

STEWART/COLBERT 2008

2006-08-01T12:20:00.000-04:00

Stephen Colbert DESTROYS Eleanor Holmes Norton, democratic representative from Washington DC.

JENGA

2006-07-18T17:04:00.000-04:00

PWNED!!!!!!! (click link.)

CRAP

2006-06-24T17:40:00.000-04:00

just spilled bleach on one of my favorite shirts. motherfuck me in the brain.

HORSE FACE

2006-05-23T12:27:00.001-04:00

If you know me, you know my extreme hatred for Madonna. I could care less for her music, it really has nothing to do with that. It's more so her self-importance, idiocy, self-righteous attitudes. Really, I wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire. But I have to give props to the Catholic League President, Bill Donohue, for his quote pertaining to Madonna's recent stage prop for her current tour. She opened the show wearing a crown of thorns, and being raised/crucified on a disco light cross (click). (I'm guessing the counting number above the stage is the profit she made off that one concert for her $350 tickets. Cunt.)

Bill Donohue: "I guess you really can't teach an old pop star new tricks. Poor Madonna keeps trying to shock. But all she succeeds in doing is coming across as a boring bigot."

HAIL HELL

2006-05-23T11:55:00.000-04:00

KUDZU

2006-05-23T10:39:00.000-04:00

I work with three co-workers in the same room, and all of them are from San Francisco. So, somehow, when kudzu was randomly brought up in conversation (by me) the other day, I was a little disturbed that none of them knew what kudzu was - and had never heard of it. Once I showed them pictures, they were utterly amazed. So for today's lesson, let's teach all of you non-Southerners about kudzu!

History of Kudzu

SUPERMAN: TRAILER 3

2006-05-23T00:37:00.000-04:00

The nerd that I am:
Third trailer for the upcoming Superman Returns film has been released. Could someone bring me some new underwear? Because I just shit my pants.

Kevin Spacey rules.

(click picture to go to trailer.)

LIFE WASTED

2006-05-22T22:48:00.000-04:00

Pearl Jam's first proper video in 8 years. First video they have appeared in in 14 years (previous video was animated). Really enjoy this new installment. The imagery is tremendous and extremely alluring. Really enjoy the dark, sadistic side.

To watch the video, click on the image below, or here --> Pearl Jam "Life Wasted